I promise you won't like this.

If you want something from me today that is going to make you feel better and cheer you on, I apologize in advance.

It's not here. It's not below the fold. It's not in me today.

I haven't been around the Orange much lately, I am one of those having trouble finding something nice to say about my disappointment in the hope I had back when I was fired up and ready to go.

But when I feel alone in the world, I stop back here, where I know I will always find a sympathetic ear, maybe a hug, and maybe even a slap in the head to show me a different perspective on things.

I stopped back last night. I gotta tell you, this oil dump has me distraught, and once again, I find people here who 'get it' and I don't feel so alone in the world.

I opened the Orange door and said,

"I feel like someone feels when someone very close to them dies.

Like something catastrophic just happened in my life, yet I look out the window and kids are playing in the street, neighbors are unloading groceries from their car. Lawnmowers hum.

Yet this life-altering, horrid thing is going on at the same time.

It's just surreal to me."

That is exactly how I feel.

And a couple of you understood. Then someone who 'got it' answered me back.

Thanks nika7k, because that is exactly why I come back here.

That's what I see. I hear a lawn mower right now as I type this. Life is going on just as it has for 35 years since 1974, when President Richard Nixon promised us things were going to be different:

"Let this be our national goal: At the end of this decade, in the year 1980, the United States will not be dependent on any other country for the energy we need to provide our jobs, to heat our homes, and to keep our transportation moving."

I was only a little kid when he said that. I had no idea what he was talking about. I got in the car, probably sat in the front seat with no seatbelt, and off I'd go with my mom grocery shopping. I think back in those days we'd come home with our groceries in big brown paper bags. I remember how I hated to fold them, I could never get them flat.

While I was visiting with you kossacks last night, I had Rachel Maddow on and I was listening. I don't know if many of you caught it, but she did a disturbing look back in time to our Presidents and their promises on oil, that have gone unfulfilled over history.

1977 – Jimmy Carter: "These are the goals we set for 1985: Cut in half the portion of the United States oil which is imported from a potential level of 16 million barrels to 6 million barrels per day."

2001 – George W. Bush: "Tonight, I ask Congress to join me in pursuing a great goal. Let us build on the work we've done and reduce gasoline usage in the United States by 20 percent in the next 10 years."

At the end of her montage, there stood President Obama in the rain, promising things would be different. In my defeated, unfired and unready to go point-of-view these days, I feel they've gotten worse this time, probably because my expectations were so much higher for this President.

But still, I hear lawnmowers. A car goes down my street. I drove to work this morning.

The oil is gushing out of the earth from a hole we drilled, the disaster is in the height of the news, this life-altering horrid is going on right now, and still the lawnmowers hum.

I looked for Rachel's video of her montage, but can't find it yet. Maybe someone else can and will post it here. But on her blog - and you gotta hand it to Rachel because she knows her stuff - she links to an article from The Christian Science Monitor that gives a short history of Presidential promises on oil over the years.

When I saw the article, I had to laugh one of those laughs that doesn't come when you are happy. It was one of those laughs that keeps you from crying.

The article, written by reporter Ron Scherer, didn't come about as a result of this horrid event in the Gulf just now. It was published on August 6, 2008.

Isn't it ironic?

So kossacks, please excuse me if I can't seem to get fired up and ready to go these days. Please know that I want to be. Give me a reason. Tell me this is really going to change.

Say it really loud, because I can't hear you over the lawn mower. Oh, and now they have a weed whacker going too.  

Meh.

UPDATE: H/T to Orj ozeppi for giving us the Rachel link